Bad Girls, Good Guys

Have your eye on the prize, and is it a great new guy? A sexy encounter, or a diamond and marriage?

I couldn’t resist this titillating tidbit, compliments of Your Tango. Apparently, research shows that the Bad Girl does get her man. And that means sexing it up, playing the game, and making certain you’re ever-elusive.

According to the article, which offers up expert advice,

It’s now all about how to act the part of the bad girl to snatch the guy… being a toying, mysterious woman is what men want and what men will commit to.

Really? Do we believe that? Is this the road to relationship, to wedded bliss, or a sure-fire path to a painful divorce?

The expert on the case is psychiatrist Dr. Carole Lieberman, who seems to be telling us what we already know. Behavior she refers to (jauntily) as “bait and switch” is nothing more than the age-old practice of pumping up the Sexy volume, teasing the target, and staying slightly out of reach.

Men like sexy?

Nothing new.

We all want what we can’t have?

Maybe yes, maybe no.

I will say that in our Mean Girl times, I find nothing admirable in treating anyone badly, though that’s not explicitly what this Love Doc is debating.

She does seem to suggest however, that old tricks are for more than old dogs. Use sex as bait, hook him hard, reel him in, and settle back to enjoy.

  • How do you feel about this sort of advice?
  • More effective for the 20-somethings than seeking substance at flirty 40?
  • If it works for the Bad Boy, is it equally effective for the Bad Girl?
  • As for women, what about the shorter shelf life for their wily wares?

Personally, I read these articles with a 16-ounce container of salt, recognizing that while we’re visually oriented, men in particular, I’m aghast at the concept of bait-and-switch. If this is how you get the guy, what about how you manage to keep him?

Then there are those catchy headlines like “Jen gets the ring,” which I noticed at the supermarket checkout last week, reminding me we’re still operating in a fragile and outmoded framework: the brass ring is the wedding ring (for women), and the marriage itself – too often the afterthought.

Shouldn’t we be concerned with foundations? With building good relationships?

Shouldn’t we be adjusting marital expectations, rather than focused on hooking the Next Big Fish?